2024 Lent

 It's hard to believe that it's 2024 and well into Lent. Looking back on things, life has changed so dramatically. Families and friends have grown and fallen apart and only the good Lord knows what shall come of them. We have had so, so much life between now and the last time I wrote.  Good, bad and ugly.  Blessed be the good God, now and forever. May all my enemies be loved and blessed in this life and the next.

How much will it cost?

 "But how much does it cost?" For good or for ill, this is almost always my first thought when it comes to thinking about anything outside of our basic necessities (and as my wife could tell you even within the basic necessities). This pilgrimage was a really uncomfortable thing to do think about from that perspective, but at the end of the day, I'd do it again, and mostly in the same kind of way. 

We are a single income family of 11, and that single income isn't really much to write home about, so I knew I was going to have to get creative if I was going to make it happen.  As it turned out there were a few things going for me that were helpful.  

First was the price of airfare.  I've tracked AUS to FCO for years, and was always amazed that there were plenty of time during the year when things were quite reasonable. I never would have imagined that Holy Week might have been one of them, but it was.  I left on Palm Sunday (April 10) from Austin-Bergstrom (AUS) and flew to Atlanta where I had a significant layover, before a direct flight to Rome-Fiumicino Airport (FCO).  I arrived at 11am local time on Monday.  My return flight was the same route, except it was delayed by the US federal policy of requiring a negative covid test within 24 hours before re-entry to the country.  Best advice would be, don't try and fly out of Italy the day after Easter.  Italians are fierce observers of Pasquetta, Easter Monday, on which virtually all business stops, including covid testing. Delta hooked me up though.  In all of my travels, it was the Italians (natives and officials) who were friendly and accommodating and the Americans (tourists and officials) who were jerks. The airport was no exception to this rule.  At any rate, my total cost for round trip airfare from Austin to Rome and back again was $724.97. 

Lodging comes next.  I arranged my lodging in Rome through a website called Monastery Stays (https://www.monasterystays.com/).  It was easy to search and provided options for any budget in every part of the city, and beyond.  I opted for a pilgrims' hotel run by Brazilian Salesian Sisters of the Sacred Heart in the center of the old city.  It was off a quiet side street in easy walking distance to most of the sites I was interested in, had a private room with bathroom and included breakfast.  The sisters' chapel was also available for use too. Total cost was $155 for three nights in Rome.  The other four nights I was in Italy I stayed in guest quarters (read: an under construction wine cellar) with 8 others in the Benedictine monastery of Norcia.  The monks asked nothing in exchange for lodging, as it is part of the Rule.  I made a donation to the monastery though and have continued supporting them each month since then.  Total lodging costs for 7 nights in Italy was $455.  

Food. This was at once the easiest and most difficult issue of the entire trip.  It was easy, because it was Holy Week and a more severe fast was that was traditionally practiced by all Catholics during the week, in spite of what the modern rules seem to indicate.  It was difficult, because of all the gifts of Italians to the world, food is one of the finest.  I had already been doing a single meal a day for Lent, and so kept this routine on my pilgrimage as well.  In Rome, I ate at the same Sardinian restaurant recommended by the sisters just down the way from my room. It was wonderful.  I ate well after full days of exploring the City.  A full four course meal with wine set me back about $20 - $30 dollars a night.  I also sampled coffee offerings throughout Rome during the day, each one costing about $2.50.  So all in, my three days in Rome set me back about $100 for food. Food was provided at the monastery for guests, and again nothing was asked for, however they also only eat one meal a day, in observation of the Rule of St. Benedict. On Holy Thursday, we feasted with cheese, salads, bread, oil, fish, pasta and wine in celebration of the institution of the priesthood and the Eucharist.  Norcia is the capital of sausages, prosciutto, and other cured pork deliciousness.  In fact, places that sell these kinds of things elsewhere in the country are called "norcinerias".  I, naturally, had to buy some of the good stuff, in Norcia proper. On Good Friday, and bunkmate and I hiked down to the town and bought meat stuffs for the Easter celebration after the Vigil Mass on Saturday.  My selections plus a nice bottle of local red set me back about $50.  On Easter Sunday, I was invited by some families who frequent the monastery to a 7 course meal at a restaurant in the mountains that set me back about $25.  So my total food bill for 7 days in Italy was about $175. 

Transportation. My first experience with public transportation in Rome was the speed train from the airport to the station at Roma Termini a few blocks from my room. Public transport in Rome proper is cheap and plentiful.  I took trains and buses all over the place, and don't think I ever spent more than about $3 a day.  My trip from Rome to Norcia to the monastery consisted of a $15 round trip ticket from Rome to Spoleto and back again. In Spoleto, I caught a ride to Norcia with a driver sent by the monastery, but I easily could have taken a bus to Norcia and walked to the monastery like many of the other pilgrims did.  I rode the bus and subway around the city, and I think fare was like $5 per day. I also walked a lot.  The city is very walkable and it was pleasant to see the sights at the pace of foot, also it's free. Each morning I walked to Mass and then to the places I wanted to see.  Nothing beat walking down a park trail in the brisk morning air with the Colosseum as your backdrop watching the city wake up. I did take a taxi once too, but it took me to the wrong place and wasn't worth the money in my opinion.  I think all total, including the $20 taxi, I spent around $50 for transport for a week in Italy.  Not too bad, and knowing now, what I didn't know then, I think I could half that and see more still. 

Venues, souvenirs and other knickknacks. This one was a big lesson learned.  I tried to carefully plan my itinerary prior to arrival in country and buy tickets ahead of time.  Big mistake.  Not only was it impossible to meet deadlines for the places I wanted to visit, due to not knowing my way around, it was also almost impossible to figure out how to actually get my tickets.  Italy does this weird thing where you buy a ticket in one place, pick it up in another, have it validated in a third and then show it to someone in a fourth.  Almost impossible to figure out.  I wasted a lot of time, trying to get my "tickets" at a place on the first day, missing all of my scheduled tours, and being generally frustrated with the bureaucracy of it all. I quickly learned that the easier thing to do in most cases was just show up, buy a ticket and walk inside. Simple I know, but Rome is full of "tour" businesses that cater to Americans who don't know any better and think that you won't get in anywhere if you don't have reservations.  That's absolutely true in some situations, like for the Scavi tour or underground Colosseum tour, but in most cases you could just show up, buy a ticket and walk in, often bypassing the ridiculously long lines of people queued up for a specific tour group.  I walked to the front of the line at the Colosseum and the Sistine Chapel just by telling the staff I needed to buy a ticket.  The took me to the front to a ticket kiosk and I walked right in.  As far as souvenirs go, I traveled with a single backpack, and no checked luggage.  I bought post cards in a few places and I and picked up rocks or other plentiful items from various places I visited like a piece of paving stone along the Appian way where St. Peter met Christ as he tried to flee the persecution of Nero, or the dirt from inside the catacombal grave of Pope St. Fabian who was martyred by the emperor Decian in 250, or marble shards from the ground beside he Temple of Castor and Pollux, or seeds from iconic pines growing over the Catacombs of St. Callixtus or a rock from the wall of a 7th century hermit's chapel high up in the Sibillini mountains or pressed flowers from my walks in the mountains.  Also, I touched my rosaries to just about every relic I encountered.  Some of these things may be frowned upon by others, but it's what I did, and I was happy with it.  Bringing back a piece of the places I went was far more meaningful that a $20 piece of plastic crap probably made in China anyways. Also it was cheaper. I think all total I spent around $10 on souvenirs and probably about $40 on admission to various sites including the Sistine Chapel and Papal Museums, Colosseum, Roman Forum, Catacombs of St. Callixtus, the Sancta Sanctorum chapel and the Mamertine Prison.  I visited many many churches, along the way too. I mostly took self guided tours and made good use of my college notes as well.  One thing I would do differently is hire a private tour guide, like @MountainButorac for a day or half day outing and let him take care of all the admissions to the various places. I wasn't in Rome but for a few days, so there were obviously many, many places I just didn't have time to see, like St. Peter's....I know, I know. Next time. I was there on a pilgrimage of supplication.  I prayed a lot and asked all the saints I encountered for their intercession on Zelie's behalf.  I played the tourist in many ways from time to time, but I think I was pretty good about sticking to the plan. Total for admissions, tours and souvenirs, about $50.

So that's about it for my trip.  It was a shoestring budget kind of affair....at least as much as it could have been.  Italy had still been in the midst of throwing off its covid shackles, so there are some things that if I had to do, I would have done that would have driven the price down even more, like sleeping on the streets in Rome.  I was prepared for that if need be for some reason, but I'm glad I didn't have to.

All total, my seven days in Italy broke down like this: 

• Airfare - $725
• Lodging - $455
• Food - $175
• Transportation - $50
• Miscellaneous - $50

------------------------------------

• Total - $1455
  

 

A Long Prologue

"I acknowledge Thee, Lord of heaven and earth, and praise Thee for my first rudiments of being, and my infancy, whereof I remember nothing..." The Confessions by St. Augustine of Hippo

Palm Sunday 2022

 

We first suspected that we were expecting a new baby on the feast of All Saints, 2021.  We were both in denial, though. Theodore wasn't even 7 months old and there just wasn't any way...was there? Turns out there was.

It was a long time before we told anyone else; friends or family. It wasn't until after the new year, when Elizabeth began to show, that we told her family.  We finally decided that we better get our head in the game, some time in January. This little baby was making her presence known and we decided to make a plan.  Theo had been born at a hospital in Austin during the craziness that was the covid scare, and the entire experience was such a train wreck, that we decided this new baby would be born at home with a midwife, just like four of her old brothers and sisters had been. 

This little one would be baby number twelve for us and we felt like we had a pretty good handle on how things typically go.  If you get through the first trimester without a miscarriage, then it's just a waiting game.  We'd done it eight times before, and number nine, would be just fine.

In March I'd gotten an out of the blue, unexpected call from a childhood friend, whom I hadn't spoken to in a decade. Fr. Martin Bernhard,OSB, had grown up in Fredericksburg, a couple of years my junior.  We'd both attended Texas A&M, and gotten to know one another well in the summer and fall of 2003, when I'd come back to the Catholic Church.  As a newly minted "D&C Butt" in the Corps of Cadets, I had a lot more free time than I'd had in my previous two years, and I was bound and determined to take advantage of it.  He and I, along with another friend, spent many Sundays traveling around Texas experiencing the liturgies we'd never heard of growing up.  We wound up at a free Astros game one Sunday after our first Byzantine Divine Liturgy, were moved to tears hearing the Lord's prayer sung in Aramaic at the Maronite Church in Austin, and most significantly, for the first time experienced the austere beauty of the Roman Canon prayed silently at a low Mass in Downtown Houston.  The following semester I left for Honduras for 6 months and when I returned, Brandon (his given name) had up and transferred to Steubenville.  But we kept in touch still and followed his discernment from afar.  He was in our wedding, I put friends in contact with him in Rome where he was studying as a seminarian, he'd visit from time to time when he was back on breaks, and we went to his priestly ordination for the diocese of Tyler.  About one year later, though, he decided to join the Benedictines in Norcia, Italy, and after that we lost contact. 

So when my phone rang on a Tuesday in March, 2022 with an Italian number showing up in the caller id, I figured it was just some sort of weird robo call.  It wasn't.  "Hellooo Jason, this is Fr. Martin.  I'm in the area and wanted to visit with you."  Of course we said yes.  I took off of work and headed home.  Elizabeth cancelled our after school activities and we just had a great two hour visit.  He prayed with us, blessed all manner of things, talked with the kids and with us.  It was wonderful.  He had to go meet with donors to the monastery that night, though, and so we said our goodbyes.  In the late hours of the
night, waiting for sleep to come, I was joyful, but gun-shy. 

These sorts of unexpected, out of the blue, moments of grace have happened from time to time throughout our lives, and often they seem to be what I call "transfiguration moments".  Christ took Peter, James and John up to Mt. Tabor where they were witness to His Divine glory.  It was transcendent, and St. Peter, in particular, wanted it to go on forever.  But it could not, and in even in the course of the heavenly conversation which the disciples overheard, the reason it could not was discussed.  They "spoke of his departure, which he was to accomplish at Jerusalem."  It is no coincidence that the three who saw His glory were also to see Him in His greatest agony, sweating blood, and falling on His face asking the Father to "take this cup from me".  Mt. Tabor's glory prepared and strengthened them for first Mt. Olive's darkness then Mt. Calvary's.  Fr. Martin's visit prepared us for some dark days ahead as well.

 A nagging feeling had led me to say yes, when the midwife asked us if we'd like to do the tests for genetic screening.  We'd never done it before, but for some reason we did this time. We were far beyond ever considering abortion due to a genetic anomaly, as so many sadly choose in our bloodthirsty society, but I did want to know for some reason, if there was anything to be concerned about.  As it would happen, there was.

Ten days later, we were supposed to meet at the midwife's office, but for some reason it wasn't going to happen.  She was about to leave on a trip, a kid was sick an I had to be at work, so we had a three way phone conference, her, Elizabeth and me. The results were in, and she really would prefer to have this conversation in person, but...it was Trisomy 21.  Downs Syndrome.  My mind reeled. What would this mean for us? I was turning 40 that year.  I was going to be an old dad, and now I was going to be parenting, potentially, for the rest of my life a very high needs .  What was going to happen?!? Is there anything I can do?  The midwife broke me out of my mental spin-out by asking if she could pray for us.  Yes, of course.  She prayed a beautiful prayer from the heart, thanking God for the gift of this child, who would be born into a family that loved her surrounded by a community that would love her.  She asked for the Lord's protection and grace and strength for us.  She concluded her prayer in the Holy Name of Jesus, and I heard a very distinct deep male voice say "Amen" just before me.  It surprised me.  I looked up and straight at a statue of the Holy Family, in front of which I was parked.  St. Joseph?  Was that you? Months later I'd find out I was the only one who heard the voice.  I went into the church and prayed.

The next weekend, Elizabeth left on on a girls' trip with her sister.  That's when the idea for a pilgrimage first entered my mind. We stayed local for Mass on Sunday.  It's been hard for me to go to the Mass just down the road.  It's where I was baptized, confirmed and communed for the first time.  It's seen a lot of the events of my life over the last 40 years.  But one thing it has never been is inspiring. Burlap banners, blasé, off-key singing, polyester vestments and plain, unadorned walls, it is the epitome of the boredom of the last 70 years that has not so much killed the faith of millions, as allowed it to slowly starve. I knelt there after Mass, thinking about how I may well be stuck here in this parish, for the rest of my life, if this new child's needs were such that travel became an impossibility.  In that moment I offered up the death of my own will in such matters, if that is what the Lord wished, but, like Augustine, who in his "wretched youth" asked for chastity and constancy, but not yet, I also mixed my own prayer with the alloy of self will.  

I majored in history, minored in clas
sics, studied and taught Latin and the history of Rome, but had never visited the Eternal City. I wanted one last hurrah before entering into the death to self, I knew I must.  So I began planning.  It was only as an afterthought, through guilt of my own selfishness, that I conceived of my trip as a pilgrimage.  Perhaps this was God's mercy to me, though, because once I had settled on the pilgrimage, it became clear that this was something I could do about the situation.  I could pray, I could go barefoot, I could fast, I could travel by foot and sleep on the streets if need be and by my own pitiful efforts show God that I desperately wanted this little child and all that came with her.  I spoke to Elizabeth when she got home and she gave me her blessing.  I bought the tickets to Rome for Holy Week.  I then sent a message to Fr. Martin letting him know my plan.  He gave me his blessing too. I was set.

 We had already decided to name her Azalea, after St. Marie Azelie (Zelie) Martin, the mother of the Little Flower.  I had it in my mind that if I could somehow bring back a relic of St. Zelie, our Zelie would have a much easier time at life. I wrote the following letter to the pastor of the parish we'd been attending, St. Martin de Porres in Dripping Springs: 

March 31, 2022

 

Dear Fr. Justin,

I'm writing to see if you might be willing to help me in a certain matter, that I believe could be a blessing to my family specifically and the parish in general.  We are one of the families from Fredericksburg.  We attend the Latin Mass, and my boys, Michael and Travis serve at the altar, and my daughters Anne and Rose sing in the choir, and my wife, Elizabeth, fills in on the organ from time to time. 

This July, we are expecting our 12th child, and we recently found out that she is very likely to be born with Downs Syndrome.  We are planning on naming her Azelia (Zelie) Marie, in honor of the Little Flower's sainted mother, and we would appreciate your prayers for her and us.  Additionally, Elizabeth has a very aggressive form of MS that attacks her spine, and I anticipate our life is going to change quite drastically and for a long time come this July.  We are ready to accept these crosses from our Lord, but we are still weak and overwhelmed at times. 

I've spent the better part of 20 years studying and teaching about the Roman Republic and Empire, and yet, I've never visited the Eternal City, or Europe at all for that matter.  My wife and I decided that if I were going to ever make that pilgrimage, it was probably now or never. So I booked a round trip ticket to Rome, and hope to arrive Monday in Holy Week and be there through Easter Monday. I am planning on staying in Rome until Thursday, and then travel to the Benedictine monastery in Norcia, where a good friend is a priest, to stay and observe the rites of the sacred Triduum according to the pre-1955 ceremonies, before returning home. 

All of that is background to my request of you. 

I would like you to ask the postulator general Discalced Carmelite for a relic of Sts. Louis & Marie-Azelie Martin, for the adoration chapel dedicated to their daughter, St. Therese, and then bless my wife and unborn daughter with.  I have my doubts that things would move quickly enough for me to go to their headquarters in Rome and receive the relics for transport back to Texas, but I am willing, if Our Lord and Our Lady open those doors.

The norms for requesting a first class relic can be found at https://www.postocd.org/index.php/en/relics/normatives .  "Normally, only petitions from parish pastors or superiors of religious communities are accepted.  They must always specify that the relics are for public veneration by the faithful and must clearly indicate the place where the relic will be placed for veneration by the faithful." There are other norms that apply to this situation, but you can click the link above to read them. The actual request form can be found at https://www.postocd.org/index.php/en/relics/to-request-relics .  

I hope you will consider this request, Fr. Justin, and thank you for all you do to bless our family, and all of the faithful.

Jason Ferguson

 

 

Hold Fast

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hold fast, thou my child

This world with fearsome waves,

And thund'ring stormclouds dread

Would feed you to a churning sea,

Lost amongst the dead.

 

Or toss you up,

To cast you down,

That injury more fierce,

Might befall your winsome face,

And seek thy soul to pierce.

 

Aye, the danger and the dread,

True, no phantasms be

They've sapped the strength

And swallowed whole 

Far mightier men than thee.

 

When lightning strikes and tempest wails

And all seems certain lost,

Hold fast my child, 

Hold tight my child,

No matter what the cost. 

 

Spurn thy flesh, 

Embrace all pain,

Weave body through web of net.

Leviathan's maw is not thy home

You've not been conquered yet.  

 

Yet when all,

You have done,

That's in thy pow'r to do,

And Death draws nigh to claim it's prize

Thund'ring shouts of doom

 

Take heart my child,

Rejoice my child!

Your victr'y is assured!

 

For long ago, 

On storm toss'd sea,

Tar'd sailors did they pray

The God of gods and Lord of lords 

To save them 'til the day.

And though this act,

Had oft been seen

Upon the wine dark sea,

This night, O blessêd night,

Rose the God from Galillee. 

 

Still fell the wind, 

Still fell the waves

Still fell the hearts of those He then chastised.

For in their fear, like us, forgot’n

Truth that still hearts must not despise.  

 

In fear and trembling,

They did know,

Who reclined in Peter's barque,

Had set the oceans' bars and doors,

And sealed Noah in His ark.

So when the storms of life do rage

And angry waters swirl all round

Out of the whirlwind, thou wilt hear

Hold fast, my child, my child hold fast

And trust that I AM near.

A peste, fame et bello...

Libera nos, Domine.

Disturbances in the night...

As I write this, it is 3:23 am.  I woke up as I have done several times in the last few years because my mind would not turn off.  In my entire life being so bothered by something that I couldn't sleep happened only a few times from childhood til by early 30's.  It seems to be happening every few months now.  Tonight it was church - our little bitty, podunk nowhere church.  It has turned into the "let's put plastic over furniture" kind of place.  That's not going to cut it.  I grew up in that church and left it because it seemed dead to me by the time I got old enough to know and care about these kinds of things.   If I'm going to raise my own kids there, it's going to have to come back to life.  Lord and Giver of life, breathe life once more into this place.

Memories...

I just consolidated the posts from the three different blogs that my wife and I have done over the years.  It had been years since I'd looked at a lot of this stuff.  Such a trip down memory lane!  I miss the simpler times looking back, but in reality, life was just as hard back then as now, the problems were just different.  All praise and glory be to God!